Savage Gadgets

Are you looking for the perfect gift for the savage in your life? Do you need to buy a gift for another man but you’re worried he’ll think your a giant pussy? Or maybe you’re too savage to love and have to buy gifts for yourself.

At Savage Gadgets you’ll find the the perfect gift for savages of all ages.

  • Hat Knife

    Is it a hat, is it a knife? It’s fucking both. Never be without a knife when you’re feeling stabby again. The Bill Blade is a kit that quickly ruins your favorite hat by attaching a knife to it. The perfect gift for the pirate who has everything.

  • Big Game Blowgun

    Only a pussy uses a bow to hunt a bear. True savages use a blowgun. That’s right imagine staring down an angry bear, armed with nothing more than a flute, a knitting needle and a huge set of balls. That’s basically big game blowgun hunting in a nutshell.
    Look how happy killing a bear with a blowgun makes Tim. You could be that happy too.
  • A Bag for your Bomb, Gun, Knife, & Drugs

    Whether your travelling for business, pleasure or terror, sometimes you need a bag big enough to hold your bomb, your gun, a very large knife and a kilo of Columbia’s finest. This is just such a bag. With a handy drawstring top, and a neutral colour that will go with any outfit it’s perfect for the fashion conscious terrorist, or drug smugglers who need to look their best.

  • Bitcoin Wallet

    Keep your ill gotten gains safe with the Trezor Model T Bitcoin wallet. Whether your a real Somalian pirate or the Dread Pirate Roberts, these days you don’t bury your treasure you store it on the blockchain. The Trezor Model T is a great way to do that just don’t lose it on a drunken night out. #Bitcoin.

  • 100mph Boat Car

    Most boat cars are stupid. But not the Aquada, it’ll do 100mph on land and 30mph on the water. It takes less than 5 seconds to go from car to boat and the same to back again. Like a superhero changing into his alter ego in seconds. This a boat car you can use to commute to the office every day.

    The picture show Richard Branson driving the Aquada across the English Channel to France. It’s the perfect vehicle for smugglers, pirates, and metrosexual men who enjoy water sports.

  • Get Your Own Submarine

    The Triton 3300-6 will take you and 5 of your fellow pirates to a depth of 1000m in luxury. It doesn’t come with torpedo tubes but I’m sure you could mount a spear gun on it. It goes deep enough you can hunt a colossal squid, just make sure it doesn’t hunt you.

  • Personal Shark Submarine

    If you’ve always wanted to be inside a shark (But not in a sexual way) Then this personal submarine is just what you need. It’ll do 55mph on the surface and a little less when you dive. But you can make it jump right out of the water. This thing is way more savage than any pussy ass jetski. The perfect gift for the pirate who has everything.

    Bruce Lee famously said be like water. But that was then, now you can be like a shark instead.

  • Concept 2 Rower

    Row till you throw and then row some more. Perfect for building ridiculous cardio and full body strength. This machine is the devil itself and it can take you to hell and back. If you’re a pussy you can just row gently for fitness. But this is the machine used for world indoor rowing records. If you can do 2000m in under 6 minutes you are a beast.

  • Military Rucksack

    When shit hits the fan and you need to head for the hills you’ll be glad you’ve got this US Army issue Rucksack. It’ll carry up to 120 pounds, and is designed to last a lifetime. It’s seriously heavy duty. Perfect for carrying large amounts of ammunition deep into the wilderness.

  • 100mph+ Pitching Machine

    It’ll throw the speedball by you, make you look like a fool. The Hack Attack is a commercial quality pitching machine. It’ll fire that ball in at over 100mph. It’ll also throw curveballs, and pretty much anything else you want. There’s a conversion kit available to make it throw softballs as well if you have a daughter.

  • Air Runner

    When you’re too tough for a normal treadmill, the Air Runner is what you need. As Roe Rogan loves to remind people it’s 30% harder than a regular treadmill. This thing gives a savage workout, builds strong legs, and serious cardio. Get tired at home so you don’t get tired in a fight.

  • 50lb Kettlebell

    Build the functional strength you need for grappling with this monster kettlebell. The handle’s big enough for even the largest hands to hold it double handed. Clean it, press it, and swing it till you’re as strong as an ox.

  • Combat Pants

    When the apocalypse happens don’t get caught without the correct pants. These combat trousers from Crye Precision are best pants for any kind of societal breakdown. They’re also pretty good for hunting.

  • Tactical Watch

    The ultimate Tactical Watch. Built to military standards, with solar power to extend battery life. A kill switch in case you’re captured. Jumpmaster mode, waypoint protection. It even tells the time.

  • Toughbook Laptop

    If you want a laptop tough enough you can beat a man to death with it, and then use it to email your condolences to his family then the Toughbook from Panasonic is what you need. It’s great for anyone working on site, or filming and editing in wild places. With a huge 40 hour battery life, and built to withstand a 3 foot drop into a pool of boiling lava, this is the most rugged laptop you’ll find.

  • Assault Air Bike

    Lose some weight fatty. Or just become a cardio machine. It doesn’t matter if your training for a fight or just training to look tight. This is the ultimate air bike for a truly savage workout.

  • Iron Neck

    When you’re tired of having a tiny pencil neck, and looking like an orange on a toothpick, then this is the device for you. Build a solid neck in a reasonably amount of time without compressing your neck.

  • MAGA Hat Zip Tie Combo

    The perfect gift for your Q Anon loving, alt right adjacent cousin, or for yourself if insurrection gives you an erection. This handy combo includes a lovely new maga hat, and 100 zip ties. Perfect for your next trip to Washington. Zip Ties and Maga hat actually sold separately.

  • Razor Wire

    Because quite frankly barbed wire is for pussies. If you’re serious about keeping people out of your bunker then you’re gonna need rolls and rolls of this razory goodness. Not effective against virus crazed loons or zombies.

  • Greek Spear

    Should you and 299 of your fellow Spartans ever be set upon by a countless horde of Persians, then this Greek Spear is the perfect weapon. It’s also great for hunting polar bear (not strictly legal). Just don’t miss as you only get one chance with a bear.

  • Throwing Knives

    Perfect for pirates and ninjas alike. These superbly balanced blades make a great present for young children ,as the have extra sharp edges and are absolutely lethal.

  • Killer Shovel

    The serial killers best friend, do the deed and bury the evidence with versatile tool. Capable of cutting down a tree or a swarm of zombies. The zune camping shovel can even dig a hole. Perfect for snowmobilers, hikers, and psychopaths.

  • Throwing Tomahawk

    Sharp enough to shave with, beautiful enough to sleep with. This tomahawk is a woodsman’s wet dream. You’ll want to chop some shit up.

  • Pocket Chainsaw

    If a fallen tree blocks your path what are you gonna do boy? What are you gonna do? If you’re a savage you’re gonna whip a chainsaw out of your pocket and turn that log into firewood.

  • 3 Flame Cigar Lighter

    What kind of pussy uses a single flame lighter. If your gonna blaze up do it in style with this 3 flame butane lighter. Rumor has it this what Bill Clinton uses to light a damp cigar.

  • Sherp ATV

    There’s a lot of ATV’s that pretend to do what the Sherp actually does. You can drive this thing from Cape Horn to the North Pole. Nothing can stop it, not ice, water, snow or mud. This beast is unstoppable. It holds 8 adults and has a matching trailer unit for serious expeditions. It’s also great for doing the school run.

  • Go Anywhere Hunting ATV

    The Frontier Scout 8×8 can go pretty much anywhere you want to go. It’s amphibious, and will plow it’s way through pretty deep mud, and over just about anything. Haul your gear to your favorite campsite deep in the backwoods.

  • CO2 Powered Pepper Spray Gun

    Fuck paintball. Shoot pepper spray pellets instead. This CO2 powered pistol fires paintball like pellets that release a cloud or pepper spray on impact. Giving you the ability to exert non lethal force to deter your mother-in-law from approaching at a greater distance. Also useful for prison guards and law enforcement.

  • BolaWrap

    Take perps down before they get close with the BolaWrap. This fires a thin but strong rope with tiny grappling hooks on each end. It effectively wraps around your targets arms or legs, safely incapacitating them while you restrain them. Perfect for Law Enforcement or safety conscious pirates.

  • Sneaky Cell Phone Gun

    Don’t put this phone to your ear or you’re likely to blow it off. The Ideal Conceal is a double barrelled derringer pistol, that folds away to look like a smartphone, and easily fits in your pocket. Check your state’s concealed weapon restrictions before you make a purchase – or move to a state that actually values freedom and buy what you damn well please.

  • Large Payload Drone

    Whether you’re doing surveillance or just need to deliver packages, the Matrice V2 from DJI has an 8km range allowing deep border penetration. And with encrypted communications you’ll be sure your communications are not intercepted. You’ll be able to deliver a payload of 1.45kgs of icing sugar to a neighbour 8km away. Perhaps even a neighbour in another country. With a top speed of over 50mph making it difficult to track or intercept.

  • Claws for Your Feet

    Ok so they’re called crapons, but really they ARE literally claws for your feet. Whether you’re climbing for fun, or need to take the high ground, these Lynx Crampons from Petzl are just what you need. Never, ever wear them in a waterbed.

  • 450fps Crossbow

    This crossbow has a silent cocking system and can fire a bolt at 450 feet per second. It’ll kill a moose, or a zombie at 100 yards. If hunting vampires you’ll need a silver bolt. But it should be fine for bears with the standard arrows. So get out there in the mountains and get something to eat with this seriously savage crossbow from Ravin.

  • Quest 4D GTX Forces 2 Boots

    These boots allow you to kick ass. They’re designed to be rugged enough to climb a mountain pass, slide down a scree slope, or ford a stream without getting wet feet. And still be flexible enough to allow you to take a knee when shooting, or sprint for cover when required. These are the best allround boots for people who think they’re “special operators”. Actual special operators may or may not wear them to.. That’s classified.

  • Home Wrestling Mat

    If your home doesn’t have a wrestling mat is it really even a home? Whether your, wrestling the wife, the kids, or a “special friend”, this is the perfect mat. Made in the USA by Resilite if offers all the protection you’ll need even from the hardest of slams. 10′ x 10′ It’s big enough for two adults to roll around on. Get pinned in your own home.

  • Personal Tank

    The Ripsaw F4 is basically your own personal tank. With a top speed of 55mph it’ll get you wherever you want to go in record time. With room for 4 you’ll be able to take your crew deep into the wilderness. Rubber tracks mean you can park it in the garage without destroying the floor. (Although it does weigh 10,000 pounds so you might want to double check that.

  • 8 Wheel Hunting ATV

    Regardless of the terrain the Shaman ATV by AVTOROS will get you where you need to go. It’s amphibious, and runs on 8 low pressure tyres. Whether your plodding through loose sand in a dessert or driving through deep mud or snow. This is a vehicle designed to take you pretty much anywhere in comfort.

  • Bow Hunting Phone Camera Mount

    Show the world how savage you are by live streaming your hunt. This awesome phone holder mounts to your bow and allows you to record all the action as you stalk Cecil the Lion. Get instant outrage from your periscope viewers.

  • EarthRoamer Apocalypse Camper

    The EarthRoamer camper is the perfect post apocalypse vehicle. Equipped with two long range fuel tanks, solar panels on the roof and all the creature comforts. Plus the ability to go well offroad. And if things go all mad max then the front bumper is great for ramming bandits.

  • Can’t Hurt Me – David Goggins

    David Goggins is one of the most savage men alive. You can learn how to stop being such a pussy all the time by reading this book. You’ll learn how to stay hard mother fucker.

  • Leatherman Tread Tempo Multi Tool Watch

    This savage wee beast combines a swiss watch with an american multi tool. The timepiece is a top quality swiss mechanism, while the stainless steel strap is actually an awesome multi tool with a bottle opener, as well as a cutter and series of screwdrivers. Best of all you can take it on a plane.

  • Jesus Has Your Back

    The perfect Tee Shirt for the BJJ Savage in your life. Not only has Jesus taken your back, he’s locked in a rear naked choke. Looks like it’s pretty deep too. Satan is in a lotta trouble but he does seem to be fighting the hands and it doesn’t appear Jesus has both hooks in yet.

  • Realistic Striking Target

    The VERSYS VS.BOB is the most realistic striking target you can buy. Practice inside and outside leg kicks, groin strikes. One of the only striking dummies with legs and arms. With a realistic face you practice eye gouges, elbows and uppercuts. This training dummy has everything except a hole for your dick.

  • 70 mph RC Car

    Great for really young savages wanting to start out with their first RC Car. The E-Revo from Traxxas tops out at a sedate 70 miles per hour. Weighing 11.2 pounds it’ll hit an ankle with around 60 x the hitting power of a round from a Glock 19.

  • All My Friends Are Dead

    Want to raise a savage? It starts with a quality education. Teach your little savage to read with this fantastic picture book. You’ll laugh, they’ll cry.

  • ROV Speargun Underwater Drone

    Protect your yacht from frogmen with an ROV speargun. Is there really any point to seeing a fish with your undersea drone if you can’t shoot it?

  • Flamethrower Drone

    Every prepper needs a flamethrower drone. If you haven’t got one are you REALLY prepared? No you are not. You can’t fight bees with a knife, or a gun, you NEED a flame thrower. Hand held or drone mounted is up to you (and the FAA if you live in the USA).

  • Fuck Your Birthday

    Show your friends how much you care with a Savage birthday card. Perfect for your ex wife, ex husband, or ex lesbian life partner.

  • LED Tactical Weapon Light

    Even a savage needs to know what the fuck he’s shooting at. Identify a zombie at 50 yards even on the darkest of nights with this super bright tactical weapon light.

  • Armoured SUV

    If you don’t have an armour plated luxury SUV can you really even call yourself a man? The leather seats are easy to clean, blood, semen and whisky will all wipe right off. The windows can hold back a horde of zombies, and the 6.8 litre V10 engine has enough torque to pull down a statue.

  • Smith & Wesson Bayonet

    If your AR15 isn’t sporting a bayonet you may just be a giant pussy. When the call comes to fix bayonets and charge don’t be the only prepper in your militia that has to duct tape a swiss army knife to his barrel. Make sure you’ve got a big ass bayonet. This one has a staberiffic 7.8 inch blade.

  • Grappling Hook

    What kind of pussy doesn’t own a grappling hook? When the police are defunded and LA’s homeless take over piracy may well become a perfectly valid carrier choice. And you’ll be glad you already have a grappling hook. Also great for scaling compound walls.

  • Tactical Pen

    Whether you need to break a window or someone’s face this is the most savage pen you can buy. Parker pens are for pussies, who needs gold when you can have a tungsten tip. Great for writing ransom notes, death threats and love letters.

  • Air Bow

    This air-bow uses compressed air to shoot a full size broad tip arrow at 450 fps. Kill a deer at 50 yards, hell kill a moose. Fires up to 8 arrows at full power.

  • The Invincible Shoe

    You won’t need to pussy foot around in these invincible shoes. With steel toes and kevlar soles you’ll be kicking in doors and teeth. Perfect for stomping on nails or stomping on heads. Get some now and protect those savage feet.