Is it a hat, is it a knife? It’s fucking both. Never be without a knife when you’re feeling stabby again. The Bill Blade is a kit that quickly ruins your favorite hat by attaching a knife to it. The perfect gift for the pirate who has everything.
Keep your ill gotten gains safe with the Trezor Model T Bitcoin wallet. Whether your a real Somalian pirate or the Dread Pirate Roberts, these days you don’t bury your treasure you store it on the blockchain. The Trezor Model T is a great way to do that just don’t lose it on a drunken night out. #Bitcoin.
100mph Boat Car
Most boat cars are stupid. But not the Aquada, it’ll do 100mph on land and 30mph on the water. It takes less than 5 seconds to go from car to boat and the same to back again. Like a superhero changing into his alter ego in seconds. This a boat car you can use to commute to the office every day.
The picture show Richard Branson driving the Aquada across the English Channel to France. It’s the perfect vehicle for smugglers, pirates, and metrosexual men who enjoy water sports.
The Triton 3300-6 will take you and 5 of your fellow pirates to a depth of 1000m in luxury. It doesn’t come with torpedo tubes but I’m sure you could mount a spear gun on it. It goes deep enough you can hunt a colossal squid, just make sure it doesn’t hunt you.
Personal Shark Submarine
If you’ve always wanted to be inside a shark (But not in a sexual way) Then this personal submarine is just what you need. It’ll do 55mph on the surface and a little less when you dive. But you can make it jump right out of the water. This thing is way more savage than any pussy ass jetski. The perfect gift for the pirate who has everything.
Bruce Lee famously said be like water. But that was then, now you can be like a shark instead.
Perfect for pirates and ninjas alike. These superbly balanced blades make a great present for young children ,as the have extra sharp edges and are absolutely lethal.
Take perps down before they get close with the BolaWrap. This fires a thin but strong rope with tiny grappling hooks on each end. It effectively wraps around your targets arms or legs, safely incapacitating them while you restrain them. Perfect for Law Enforcement or safety conscious pirates.
This crossbow has a silent cocking system and can fire a bolt at 450 feet per second. It’ll kill a moose, or a zombie at 100 yards. If hunting vampires you’ll need a silver bolt. But it should be fine for bears with the standard arrows. So get out there in the mountains and get something to eat with this seriously savage crossbow from Ravin.
Protect your yacht from frogmen with an ROV speargun. Is there really any point to seeing a fish with your undersea drone if you can’t shoot it?